A Little MS with a Little MSW

December 18, 2021, 5am. I woke with a start. The right side of my body was weak. My right foot was numb. My balance and vision were drunk. I was 45 years old, six months into my MSW, and one month from starting a full-time internship.

‘Stroke’ was the word on the tip of everyone’s tongue; but alas, my smile wasn’t crooked, and I could raise both arms. My speech was fine, and the CT scan said nah… Was I, then, just a ‘crazy,’ hormonal, middle-aged woman pitching a perimenopausal fit? Well, yes…I was – AM – all of those things, but this was something different.

And no one believed me.

Multiple panic attacks, doctor visits, and trips to the ER ensued. Those months taught me that bedside manner is in short supply among medical professionals. The American Medical Association would be ashamed if they could be a fly on the coat of one-too-many physicians in Anywhere, USA. It was the scariest time of my life and those who were being paid to make me feel better, weren’t.

Thankfully, (I suppose), I was born with a neural tube defect. So, although everyone considered me mental, I happened to be mental with a ventriculoperitoneal shunt. And that, my friends, is what helped me hop from the local neurosurgeon to the local neurologist to my current neurologist at Duke University.

Long story short, I landed on a diagnosis of Clinically Isolated Syndrome in August of 2022. Though not an official MS diagnosis, it is one of the MS disease courses listed on the National MS Society website (www.nationalmssociety.org) and many people with CIS are eventually graced with full-blown Multiple Sclerosis. As I approach the one-year anniversary of my CIS diagnosis, I would like to pay special homage to all the CIS & MS warriors out there.

I have been living with these symptoms for a year and half now, and life looks so different than a mere 18 months ago. Exercise makes me ache and sometimes shake, my right foot is still numb, and my right leg, weak and unstable. I take a nerve medication thrice daily and an oral MS medication which is supposed to stop new lesions from forming.

I experienced my first fall about six weeks ago. It was only a matter of time. I broke up with skinny heels the day my symptoms started (it was a toxic relationship from the start, anyway) and now I fear chunky heels are a thing of the past as well. I have accumulated three falls to date and escaped with only one bruisy-scratch, so this clumsy-by-nature gal is counting her lucky stars. May all my future MRIs be as stable as my last and may I bring a little light to all my fellow warriors out there.